Tuesday, March 13, 2012

New Year, New Me

It will come as no surprise to the people that know me best that my New Year's Post is being published in March as opposed to, oh, I don't know... January? Although to be fair, this really isn't a New Year's Post, it is simply the first post of the new year and I'm not going to post resolutions in the traditional sense, but rather ask a question or two.

Do you ever feel like you just need to shake things up a bit? Or a lot? This is how I feel right now, like my life is racing by and in the end nothing of note will have happened, no great adventures or grand accomplishments. On the one hand, I realize this sounds a bit silly and grandiose. After all, I am just a normal person living a normal life. But on the other, I think about those who have accomplished great things, made a difference in the world and I think, they were also just normal people but somewhere along the way they dreamed bigger dreams, hatched bigger plans, and took bigger risks. Right? And then the inevitable doubts begin to rear their ugly heads and scream out in their terrible voices, "Who do you think you are? You're just Iris from San Antonio who still hasn't walked the stage at UTSA even though you've earned your BA- for no reason other than you just haven't gotten around to it! And you think you can do something of note? Please, you're just trying to make it through each day! You have to take pain medication just to be able to get out of bed in the morning and try to maintain this house, much less do anything else- anything extra, anything that might give a sense of accomplishment or value..." And on and on, my inner critics have a field day at my expense reminding me of past failures, physical limitations, unfinished projects, neglected dreams, current incompetence.

And yet, I find that I am tired of listening to them and deferring to their opinions. So I am making a list. Not a list of all the Awe-Inspiring things I will do, but rather a list of the things I won't do anymore so that I can proceed to do something, anything Awe-Inspiring.

What follows is my Not To Do List:
1. I will not let fear dictate my decisions.
2. I will not let the possibility of failure keep me from attempting something.
3. I will not surround myself with people that do not want the best for me.
4. I will not read every single email.
5. I will not let the desire for perfection override the desire to get it done.
6. I will not continue not asking for help.
7. I will not define myself by my current circumstances.
8. I will not waste what precious time I have left on this earth with regrets.
9. I will not let another day go by without giving thanks for all the many blessings I have been given.
10. I will not spend another minute making excuses or feeling sorry for myself.

There. These ten things I resolve not to do. This list will go on a board in my bedroom so that I can see it first thing every morning. I will also post this next to the television, the refrigerator, the bathroom mirror, in my daily notebook, in my car, in my studio and guest bedroom and anywhere else my eyes land on a regular basis. Perhaps I can put it on a t-shirt for Stella to wear. Hmmm... I'll have to think about that one. No matter. I will remind myself daily of these resolutions and as I do them over and over, I think I will set upon a path that leads towards at least one great accomplishment. And if not, well at least I will have ceased driving myself crazy and I'm sure I'll be much better company.
xoxo, Iris

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