My apologies to my loyal readers... er, reader? Well, no matter. The week presented a host of new challenges resulting in hand surgery where they (people with scalpels and anesthesia) took part of my finger. The correct term is amputated, but I just say "took" because the word "amputation" is scary sounding. Freaks people out. Freaks me out. Anyhow, on Tuesday I go back to the surgeon so he can remove the dressing and I'll get to see my newly shortened index finger. Kinda weird.
Part of me wants to mourn the loss of my fingertip and lament, "Why me? Why do I have to have some crazy autoimmune diseases like Raynaud's and Scleroderma and PBC? What did I do to deserve this?" But that only lasts about a minute and I recognize it's only a fingertip, not my legs or an arm or even my hand and my boyfriend isn't so shallow that he'll dump me because my right index finger is strangely short. And I am so incredibly blessed to have great health insurance that allows me to see some of the best doctors and specialists around that will hopefully have me back on the path to health real soon. And of course, I am so, so, so grateful for my family that has been praying for me through every doctor's visit and mri and "procedure" and hospital stay and surgery. They give me strength and courage knowing I am not in this alone. And my friends that send flowers and well wishes and my amazing boyfriend that has never once wavered (at least in front of me) in his commitment, even when the diagnoses have been scarily unknown and cast an eerie shadow over the future. I could not be more supported and cared for. And my mother, my amazing mother. I don't have the words to express how she has been here for me- strong and positive and optimistic and faithful and caring and understanding and everything I need and nothing I don't. I absolutely do not know what kind of shape I'd be in without her. And my dad, who loves me and my mom and my dog and even my boyfriend so much I know there's nothing he wouldn't do for us. I quickly remember all of these things and I pray for all the people who are suffering and fighting similar battles- and scarier ones, but they're doing it alone or while they're also raising a family and managing a career. I can't imagine the strength it takes and I know I'm the luckiest girl around.
All these things are what's been on my mind over the last week- at least in my moments of clarity, when I'm not in some drug induced haze. And unfortunately my dominant hand is the one buried under a splint and half a pound of bandages so no journaling or making of anything lately. But I think tomorrow I will do some drawing exercises with my left hand. I've been meaning to work on being ambidextrous anyway. In fact, I'm surprised how quickly I can type with only my left hand!
Hopefully my hand will heal quickly and my doctors will get me on all the right meds so that my body will stop trying to hurt itself and start working towards health. In the meantime, my friend C-note has given me a temporary honorary membership to the Lefty's Club of the Greater United States and I plan on wearing that thing out! Thanks Cris!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Monday, Monday
Oh, I'm so tired. Been fooling around on the internet too long. I had a coffee this afternoon and I think that might be the reason I'm still sitting here. Perhaps through all these health- shall we call them "adventures"- I am cleansing my system of the monumental buildup of caffeine from the last 15 years and as a result am becoming less immune to the effects of coffee, redbull and espresso. Hmmm, perhaps.
I really just wanted to check in and say hello and that I'm still here. This weekend did not go as planned, I ended up dealing with a lot of pain in my right hand which resulted in an increase in pain killers which resulted in a decrease of accomplishments. Very frustrating. However, God willing, my situation is only temporary and I am reminded of all those people who live with chronic pain- Everyday- and are forced to live out their daily lives in what I can only imagine must be an exhausting, thick fog of drug-altered consciousness. My heart goes out to them and once more I am grateful for all the many blessings in my life and the amazing doctors and specialists I have the privilege of seeing that are working to figure out this "auto-immune thing" and conquer it once and for all. And I just can't explain how I lucked out to be surrounded by the most loving and understanding and supportive family and friends and boyfriend that a girl could ask for. If any of you are reading this: I love you so much and I will never fully be able to express to you how much it fills me up to know I am in your prayers or to hear of the well wishes you've sent or see the card in my mailbox or the flowers on my bedside table. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you.
Forecast for tomorrow: A jewelry giveaway! Creative EveryDay update! And a sneak peek at some journal work I've been doing!
I really just wanted to check in and say hello and that I'm still here. This weekend did not go as planned, I ended up dealing with a lot of pain in my right hand which resulted in an increase in pain killers which resulted in a decrease of accomplishments. Very frustrating. However, God willing, my situation is only temporary and I am reminded of all those people who live with chronic pain- Everyday- and are forced to live out their daily lives in what I can only imagine must be an exhausting, thick fog of drug-altered consciousness. My heart goes out to them and once more I am grateful for all the many blessings in my life and the amazing doctors and specialists I have the privilege of seeing that are working to figure out this "auto-immune thing" and conquer it once and for all. And I just can't explain how I lucked out to be surrounded by the most loving and understanding and supportive family and friends and boyfriend that a girl could ask for. If any of you are reading this: I love you so much and I will never fully be able to express to you how much it fills me up to know I am in your prayers or to hear of the well wishes you've sent or see the card in my mailbox or the flowers on my bedside table. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you.
Forecast for tomorrow: A jewelry giveaway! Creative EveryDay update! And a sneak peek at some journal work I've been doing!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Lookout 2010!
The first day of the New Year went much like the last four: I watched the boy regret not quitting while he was ahead the night before. What can you do? Some lessons are harder to learn than others I suppose. On the upside, despite the severe lack of sleep, we did have a pretty fun night just hanging out with friends and playing some cards and eating way too much food.
But the best thing about today was the opportunity to journal in the morning. And although the pooch was being outrageously demanding (food! water! pee! poo! play!), I did manage to get in my morning pages and remind myself of how writing fills me up and clears my head at the same time. So that was my creative activity for the day. I was hoping to do some visual work or some jewelry making, but it's always hard to fit those in when the boy is off of work. Now in case you haven't noticed the little button to the right there begging you to click and find out more about the Creative Everyday Challenge for 2010, I'll tell you that I signed up to participate in said challenge in an effort to reinforce my daily creative habits. I have a desire to infuse creativity throughout my everyday life so that everything I do becomes a little more fun, adventurous and fulfilling. The challenge was originally created in 2008 by Leah Piken Kolidas for the same reasons and she decided to start a blog and put the invitation out there to others to join her in embracing creativity everyday whether through singing, dancing, cooking, drawing, painting, or anything else. There are no strict rules or policies to follow in order to participate, but for myself I will be checking in on the weekly check-ins and probably uploading photos to the Flickr group when I have something visual to share, and of course, talking about it here on my own blog.
I hope this added layer of accountability (that's wrapped up in lighthearted sharing) will be another tool in my arsenal I can use to stay focused and on track. Plus, don't you just love seeing what other people are up to? Especially artists and designers and all around awesome people? I'm inspired just thinking about it.
So until tomorrow, lovelies! And I promise I'll have something visual- perhaps a jewelry giveaway!
But the best thing about today was the opportunity to journal in the morning. And although the pooch was being outrageously demanding (food! water! pee! poo! play!), I did manage to get in my morning pages and remind myself of how writing fills me up and clears my head at the same time. So that was my creative activity for the day. I was hoping to do some visual work or some jewelry making, but it's always hard to fit those in when the boy is off of work. Now in case you haven't noticed the little button to the right there begging you to click and find out more about the Creative Everyday Challenge for 2010, I'll tell you that I signed up to participate in said challenge in an effort to reinforce my daily creative habits. I have a desire to infuse creativity throughout my everyday life so that everything I do becomes a little more fun, adventurous and fulfilling. The challenge was originally created in 2008 by Leah Piken Kolidas for the same reasons and she decided to start a blog and put the invitation out there to others to join her in embracing creativity everyday whether through singing, dancing, cooking, drawing, painting, or anything else. There are no strict rules or policies to follow in order to participate, but for myself I will be checking in on the weekly check-ins and probably uploading photos to the Flickr group when I have something visual to share, and of course, talking about it here on my own blog.
I hope this added layer of accountability (that's wrapped up in lighthearted sharing) will be another tool in my arsenal I can use to stay focused and on track. Plus, don't you just love seeing what other people are up to? Especially artists and designers and all around awesome people? I'm inspired just thinking about it.
So until tomorrow, lovelies! And I promise I'll have something visual- perhaps a jewelry giveaway!
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