Wow, it's been so long; this blog doesn't even look like me anymore. Weird.
So someone asked for my website and all I had to give him was this and then I thought about how long it had been since I updated it and how there weren't any pictures of recent work and how the last few posts were super personal and how much my work has changed in the last couple of years and how my goals for my work have changed and how I've been thinking of changing the name of my blog for forever- you know, all those thoughts... And I started to think about how stupid that is and what's my excuse and all those thoughts... And then I stopped myself. And I told myself I would gain nothing by berating myself and my actions- I mean we've proven that over the last couple decades, right? We already know that behavior isn't going to get us any closer to where we'd like to be, so instead of making yourself feel like shit for all the things you HAVEN'T done, why don't you just shut the fuck up and do what you want to do?! Right Now. Stop waiting for this or that to happen, for the perfect photograph or inspirational/ funny/ clever post and just fucking write! This isn't fucking rocket science, people!
And after that little motivating pep talk, I wrote down my new found wisdom in my journal and now I'm sitting here. And with that insight in hand, I've also decided to try to be a bit more authentic. Which means that sometimes I'm gonna swear. Because in real life, I hang around a lot of people that cuss like sailors and drink like fish, so the swear words are just a part of who I am right now. If you're offended, I do truly apologize and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable so just don't read my blog, or my facebook, or look at my Instagram. Because this is MY little corner of the internet. Mine. Just mine. I don't have to compromise on the colors because they're too girly or flowery or GREY or they have too many skulls on them. I'm sorry Darling, but I EFFING LOVE THE COLOR GREY! Period. Can't get enough of it. And you know what? I'm done being sorry for who I am and what I like and what I want to do or not do. I'm done feeling guilty for not liking the same things that other people do. I want tattoos on my wrists really bad, and I'm done trying to explain that I'm never gonna get some super straight laced corporate gig that doesn't allow visible tattoos, and if I do, I'll Deal With It! Or that from now on, every time I wear a cocktail dress, I'm gonna look like a trashy slut. Really? Who do you think looks trashier- the girl with a tramp stamp or the girl with a sparrow on her wrist? Yeah, that's what I thought, and by the way I've already got a tramp stamp! Before I had ever heard that term. Awesome.
Oh, and one more thing. When I choose my friends and the people I will fly across the country for or donate a kidney to or never lie to because I love them too damn much, that decision is not based on net worth, annual income, designer ANYTHING or everything, if they're one of the "beautiful people" or are in "the scene". Wtf does that mean anyway? Or if everyone else thinks they're cool or sexy or they've got a bazillion follwers on facebook/ twitter/ tumblr/ whatever. Who effing cares? I've never decided who to spend my time with based on those things and right now I've got a couple friends that I know I could call at 3 in the morning because I'm stranded at a gas station without gas or my wallet and they would answer, get out of bed, get dressed and drive across town, get a speeding ticket on the way and still give me a hug when they saw me as they swiped their card to pay for my being a dumbass. Cuz that's how we roll.
That kind of turned into a rant, but who cares? This is MY blog bitches! (Sorry mom, I know you account for 25% of my readership, but you know this is really me.)
Can't wait to talk to you all again soon.
xoxo, Iris
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
New Year, New Me
It will come as no surprise to the people that know me best that my New Year's Post is being published in March as opposed to, oh, I don't know... January? Although to be fair, this really isn't a New Year's Post, it is simply the first post of the new year and I'm not going to post resolutions in the traditional sense, but rather ask a question or two.
Do you ever feel like you just need to shake things up a bit? Or a lot? This is how I feel right now, like my life is racing by and in the end nothing of note will have happened, no great adventures or grand accomplishments. On the one hand, I realize this sounds a bit silly and grandiose. After all, I am just a normal person living a normal life. But on the other, I think about those who have accomplished great things, made a difference in the world and I think, they were also just normal people but somewhere along the way they dreamed bigger dreams, hatched bigger plans, and took bigger risks. Right? And then the inevitable doubts begin to rear their ugly heads and scream out in their terrible voices, "Who do you think you are? You're just Iris from San Antonio who still hasn't walked the stage at UTSA even though you've earned your BA- for no reason other than you just haven't gotten around to it! And you think you can do something of note? Please, you're just trying to make it through each day! You have to take pain medication just to be able to get out of bed in the morning and try to maintain this house, much less do anything else- anything extra, anything that might give a sense of accomplishment or value..." And on and on, my inner critics have a field day at my expense reminding me of past failures, physical limitations, unfinished projects, neglected dreams, current incompetence.
And yet, I find that I am tired of listening to them and deferring to their opinions. So I am making a list. Not a list of all the Awe-Inspiring things I will do, but rather a list of the things I won't do anymore so that I can proceed to do something, anything Awe-Inspiring.
What follows is my Not To Do List:
1. I will not let fear dictate my decisions.
2. I will not let the possibility of failure keep me from attempting something.
3. I will not surround myself with people that do not want the best for me.
4. I will not read every single email.
5. I will not let the desire for perfection override the desire to get it done.
6. I will not continue not asking for help.
7. I will not define myself by my current circumstances.
8. I will not waste what precious time I have left on this earth with regrets.
9. I will not let another day go by without giving thanks for all the many blessings I have been given.
10. I will not spend another minute making excuses or feeling sorry for myself.
There. These ten things I resolve not to do. This list will go on a board in my bedroom so that I can see it first thing every morning. I will also post this next to the television, the refrigerator, the bathroom mirror, in my daily notebook, in my car, in my studio and guest bedroom and anywhere else my eyes land on a regular basis. Perhaps I can put it on a t-shirt for Stella to wear. Hmmm... I'll have to think about that one. No matter. I will remind myself daily of these resolutions and as I do them over and over, I think I will set upon a path that leads towards at least one great accomplishment. And if not, well at least I will have ceased driving myself crazy and I'm sure I'll be much better company.
xoxo, Iris
Do you ever feel like you just need to shake things up a bit? Or a lot? This is how I feel right now, like my life is racing by and in the end nothing of note will have happened, no great adventures or grand accomplishments. On the one hand, I realize this sounds a bit silly and grandiose. After all, I am just a normal person living a normal life. But on the other, I think about those who have accomplished great things, made a difference in the world and I think, they were also just normal people but somewhere along the way they dreamed bigger dreams, hatched bigger plans, and took bigger risks. Right? And then the inevitable doubts begin to rear their ugly heads and scream out in their terrible voices, "Who do you think you are? You're just Iris from San Antonio who still hasn't walked the stage at UTSA even though you've earned your BA- for no reason other than you just haven't gotten around to it! And you think you can do something of note? Please, you're just trying to make it through each day! You have to take pain medication just to be able to get out of bed in the morning and try to maintain this house, much less do anything else- anything extra, anything that might give a sense of accomplishment or value..." And on and on, my inner critics have a field day at my expense reminding me of past failures, physical limitations, unfinished projects, neglected dreams, current incompetence.
And yet, I find that I am tired of listening to them and deferring to their opinions. So I am making a list. Not a list of all the Awe-Inspiring things I will do, but rather a list of the things I won't do anymore so that I can proceed to do something, anything Awe-Inspiring.
What follows is my Not To Do List:
1. I will not let fear dictate my decisions.
2. I will not let the possibility of failure keep me from attempting something.
3. I will not surround myself with people that do not want the best for me.
4. I will not read every single email.
5. I will not let the desire for perfection override the desire to get it done.
6. I will not continue not asking for help.
7. I will not define myself by my current circumstances.
8. I will not waste what precious time I have left on this earth with regrets.
9. I will not let another day go by without giving thanks for all the many blessings I have been given.
10. I will not spend another minute making excuses or feeling sorry for myself.
There. These ten things I resolve not to do. This list will go on a board in my bedroom so that I can see it first thing every morning. I will also post this next to the television, the refrigerator, the bathroom mirror, in my daily notebook, in my car, in my studio and guest bedroom and anywhere else my eyes land on a regular basis. Perhaps I can put it on a t-shirt for Stella to wear. Hmmm... I'll have to think about that one. No matter. I will remind myself daily of these resolutions and as I do them over and over, I think I will set upon a path that leads towards at least one great accomplishment. And if not, well at least I will have ceased driving myself crazy and I'm sure I'll be much better company.
xoxo, Iris
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